By D. Scott
Dear Auntie: Happy New Year! This year I said I was going to resolve a lot of conflicts. Not just within myself but with other people. There is a guy I’ve been seeing. He’s smart, funny, employed, super hot and seems to enjoy my company. In the last 6 months I’ve noticed a change. He lost a lot of weight. Then he gained some back. His conversations sometimes are hard to follow, especially at night. I started to see less and less of him. Financially I think he was taking hits on certain businesses. He was very generous in the beginning. Now he doesn’t even try to return favors or look out for me the way he did a year ago. Do you think he is on drugs?
Recently I discovered that prior to us dating he dated a full blown drug addict. Mostly she pops pills. I know her. In fact I had to help her after she had taken a fall at my job. She was a mess each time I saw her. Very thin and very young she was. When I found out he used to date her my stomach turned. Everyone knew she was on drugs. She knew about me but I didn’t know she used to mess with him. She started acting weird towards me this summer. Almost like she had amnesia. She knows I’ve held cold towels to her face, got water, called for help when she was incapacitated. What would be his attraction if he wasn’t on drugs too? They were together 5 years total. She been on drugs the whole time. Either way you said to start judging men by the company they keep too. I think he is on pills too. What should I do? He isn’t my man nor are we in communication now. When I told him I knew he messed with junkies he never responded or addressed that. He needs help I think.
Unknown South Jersey
Dear South Jersey: Happy New Year to you as well. I’m assuming you are a woman so I will address you as such. My apologies if you are not. Girl… if you think something is wrong, it is. The Gods gave all humans a little indicator called intuition. You add that with facts and typically you have your answer. There are several reasons men will date or sleep with a full blown drug addict. He could be her supplier. That is RAGGEDY and illegal. He could be using her for sex when she’s incapacitated because he lacks confidence to sleep with sober women. Sober women can say no, high women usually cannot. This is also illegal and RAGGEDY. He may have stayed with her to feel needed. Either way all of this is cringe worthy and raggedy.
There has been a lot of loss of life surrounding pills and more specific the opioid crisis. Being addicted to pills is not something that can sustain a relationship for 5 years. It does indeed seem as if he was on them too. Sometimes there is no greater co dependent relationship than two addicts. In recent years people thought that just because the doctor prescribed the pills that you weren’t an addict. WRONG. If your life is changing for the worst surrounding your behavior on said medication, there is a problem.
His cool off towards you could be from the fact that he knows you and the other girl work together. My skin crawled reading that. I can’t stand to be the last one to know. It’s embarrassing. Men always say one woman doesn’t compare to another. That’s a lie. If she can date you and sleep with you and hold your attention for 5 years…you feel a way about her. If you are starting to lose his attention then maybe you aren’t raggedy enough. Maybe it’s because you don’t pop pills. You’re boring and predictable. Some people thrive off chaos and instability. Constant dissonance. You seem to have gotten off the roller coaster. Stay off. If he reaches out and YOU feel like you want to see him, do so. I personally would not. He got away from you. Let him stay gone.
Him not responding about the junkie comment could be because he thinks you’re joking. It could also be that you hit the nail on the head. Do you want to get Hepatitis or worse trying to find out? If you aren’t in communication or any relationship with him, let the streets have him. All you can do is pray he’s not killing him self while trying to maintain toxic contact with you. Don’t let people have access to you that can’t tell the truth to get help nor give you information to keep you safe. All of this is raggedy. Leave it in 2020. You don’t know him. You probably never did. Let him be co dependent with her and anybody else co-signing his behavior. If he was a better friend to you I would say to be available and help. He’s not your friend. He made it clear. The end.
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