DEAR AUNTIE: I have been friends with this girl for about 8 years. We have been through our children having illnesses, unemployment, break ups, family issues and more. Recently I have noticed that we don’t hang out as much. She is constantly in a state of denial about her past and current relationships. I have caught her lying about various incidents. She is in a constant state of crisis and chaos. Maybe 5 years ago I was that same person. Today I am not. After losing my job during the pandemic and finding new employment recently, I just want peace. I am in a different space of gratitude. She seems to be stuck in the same place with different people. I have tried to help her. I have tried to encourage her to follow her dreams and focus on herself. She doesn’t listen and keeps repeating cycles. Is it possible to break up with a friend? That’s what I feel like this is.
Lauren from Kentucky
DEAR LAUREN: Yes you can absolutely break up with friends. NO I don’t think you need to tell her. People have this odd obsession with closure. Closure has produced several babies, jail sentences and unnecessary drama. If you feel a strain take the pressure off it. All friendships go through phases.
Perhaps she is in a depression and won’t get help. Perhaps she can see you are doing better and can’t relate at this time. If I were you,(I have been) try to call her each week and hang out with her when you have the time. Sometimes people are going through things and can’t properly voice that.
If she starts engaging in reckless or petty behavior, do not engage with her. Our friends hold some of our most heinous secrets. There is no need to be lecturing her and making her feel that what she is doing is wrong. They don’t care. People do what they want to do until they don’t want to do it anymore.
Maybe this is just a phase and dark time in her life. Stay true to her, distance yourself from her confused energy, let her know she’s loved and that she’s on your mind from time to time. Sometimes that’s all people need to know.
Focus on your new job and keep in touch with your friend. Friendships break up because of things like, disrespect, sleeping with each others boyfriends, substance abuse and growth. I agree the lying was unnecessary but address that when it is appropriate. I find great humor in people lying to me. The truth always comes out in the wash. Just like true friendships.
DEAR AUNTIE: What is your opinion on men that say they won’t ever get married? They cite things like finances, what they see on television and divorce cases where the woman took everything. Most of these men don’t even have that type of money to be worried.
Teira from UNKNOWN
DEAR TEIRA: If a man tells you he does not want to get married, believe him. YES there are cases where men have met someone after you and married them. When he said he didn’t want to get married he said that to YOU. Men will literally go get what and who they want. There are several men I know of in their 40’s and 50’s that never married nor had children. Yes they were hoe’s the last 20 and 30 years. They failed to commit. There is nothing wrong with that.
The issue is that they will ALL tell me that there was one or two who got away. Yet they stated to each woman they didn’t want to get married or they blamed the lack of women who were their “type”. Well now look at them.. alone, no Sunday dinner, high A.P.R. on an old car to get younger women and worried about slipping and falling on their bathroom floor after a shower. If a man tells you he doesn’t want to get married and you do, that is not the man you should date. Women sometimes are hard headed and try to sway a man to do what he already told you he would not. Don’t be that girl.
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