Noisy Mouse: TOP 10 THINGS Keith Raniere can do to keep warm in Prison

By Noisy Mouse

“Boohoo Boohoo. My little cup is cold. Just like my shriveled sausage. Please, alms for the poor kind Sir”

Cry me a river. I’m sure we could HEAT UP VANGUARD with some cauterizing irons. In fact, here are my suggestions to keep VanGuard warm during a minor cold spell.

Without Further Ado…the TOP 10 THINGS Keith Raniere can do to keep warm in Prison

1) Brand his Johnson. Although it maybe hard (not the Johnson) because it is so small and shriveled. Just like Keith’s Heart

2) Do some running back in forth in his cell. Just like he ordered his women to do.

3) Walk around in his cell. He is a world champion walker, right? Known to walk 18+ miles per day.

4) Practice his Judo skills with his fellow inmates. Judon’t know if Keith shit his pants or pissed himself after he was headbutted.

5) Take away his gray. Keep practicing his hair color skills. He’s going to be doing a lot of that in prison.

6) Have a contest – See which inmate can hit Vanguard the hardest. Just like he told the real Karate guy to beat up women at VD Week. We could tell the inmates to hit Keith. Winner gets a prize

7) Practice dropping the soap repeatedly. Well…El Cheapo doesn’t bathe, so that may not work.

8) Inmate beauty contest. Dress Keith up and have him passed around as a sex toy. His hair is already blue anyway. Does the carpet match the drapes? Shit, I think I just threw up in my mouth.

9) Practice setting off radar detectors. He does have this mental ability to set off electronics because of the energy emitted from his high IQ brain, am I right?

10) Consider how stupid it was of Nicky Clyne to post InstaHo pictures of Keith’s hidden location in Old Mexico. How dumb was that? I would be pissed off, hot under the collar, and very angry for that level of criminal incompetence.


About the author

Frank Parlato


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  • Numbers 8 and 10 actually made me laugh. I needed a good chuckle.

    I wonder how much Nicky Clyne is out of favor with the group? Allison and she are married, so why is Nicky Cline not around at all for appearance sake? It is a sham marriage. Is Nicky helping with logistics of any kind? Money moving and laundering?

    conspiracy theories abound….there are so many different crazy facets to this story.

  • Bangkok name switch up yet again. Noisy Mouse. A Nony Mouse. Possibly The Spectator. May or may not be Flowers.

  • For the new readers, Mr. Parlato recorded this in a June 3, 2018, article here on his report: “Because he is a compassionate Vanguard, he directed that the sesnei’s hardest punches – that left big bruises – be directed only at the arms – and not the groin, the stomach or the head.” So, when I review that article I can understand the lack of ANY compassion for this man in his cold prison.

  • To point 10:
    Maybe Nicki wasn’t aware her Vanguard was on the run.
    Maybe Vanguard told her the same lies that were later in his bail application.
    Nicki can’t imagine that her Vanguard is, was, and will be just a stupid liar.
    Or on the other hand, Nicki knew that the FBI would find Vanguard anyway.

  • It is truly bizarre, putting it mildly..to bear witness to Dennis Burke submitting awkward chummy posts to FrankReport under what has to be at least six, more like nine pseudonym account names, (we lost count a while ago) ostensibly hoping to gain points with Frank Parlato.

    We know Burke desperately wants to control what ever aspect of the NXIVM dialogue he can. I guess the hope is that one of the aliases might start to gain positive traction, allowing Burke to somehow steer the conversation with one of his fake accounts as a result. As his role in the whole fiasco becomes more evident, he’s displayed increasingly desperate behavior.

    From being a one time big-shot U.S. Attorney, to staying up late nights apparently drunk posting on Frank’s blog with a small army of fake accounts, taunting prosecutors with certain aliases; trying to make nice through other aliases, while watching his own name surface in the prosecution’s documents as a subject in the NXIVM investigation. What a difference a few years and a series of bad decisions makes…..now that he’s been outed as a lawyer for the Sex Cult, the University of Arizona must be proud of Dennis Burke!

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